What Is BPD?
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a person displaying frequent patterns of insecurity, trust issues, and overall difficulty managing emotions and relationships that impact their everyday life.
In real life, if you are in a relationship with someone with a BPD, this could mean you go out with your significant other, and their emotions are in constant flux. Joking then sullen and withdrawn. Sad about something that happened at work but quickly excited about the trip coming up. You don’t know it, but they are nervous you are judging them. What they are eating, what they are wearing, what they are saying. They might be overwhelmed by the choices they have to make for dinner and get upset at you for being overcritical. Arguing ensues because that’s not what you were doing, and things go downhill from there.
Of course, every person is different, and their experiences will vary. But if this sounds somewhat familiar, and you are asking, “Am I in a BPD relationship?”
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Signs of BPD
Let’s start with the typical signs. The most common traits observed in an individual with borderline personality disorder are as follows:
- Fear of abandonment
- Patterns of unstable relationships
- Paranoia
- Loss of contact with reality
- Impulsive or risky behavior such as self-harm, drug abuse, or unsafe sex
- Long periods of mood swings
- Distorted self-image
Impact of BPD on Relationships
In general, relationships for people with untreated BPD tend to be rocky. People with BPD tend to see things in extremes. Their feelings for others can rapidly change, causing confusion, fear, and despair for the other partner.
Certain symptoms can be even more concerning while in a relationship, such as impulsivity, mood swings, and suicidal tendencies, which can even erupt into violence in certain instances. All of this is a recipe for turbulent times. But it doesn’t mean the BPD relationship is doomed.
How to Talk About BPD in a Relationship
If you suspect you are in a relationship with someone with BPD, have a gentle conversation.
It’s okay to educate them on the definition of BPD, mentioning their particular symptoms and how they compare. But ultimately, make your support clear. The goal of this initial talk is to get the conversation itself started. Be emotionally prepared—the conversation may go awry.
But if there is some vulnerability and a willingness to listen, know that such a thing can be a powerful realization. But don’t rush things. Let it sit. When you bring it up, talk less about what they are doing and more about what you are experiencing and feeling because of their actions. Eventually, with more gentle conversations, there may be potential for steps to seek out outside help.
Good News: Getting Treatment
Studies reported by the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder show that treatment helps BPD. If you are in a BPD relationship, there is hope.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a standard treatment for those suffering from personality disorders. A large part of this method involves getting the sufferer to accept the reality of their behaviors. It will also address the serious symptom of suicide in those with BPD. Patients will practice mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance.
Getting Care for Yourself
One of the main symptoms of DBT is the inability to maintain healthy relationships. Such constant divisiveness in a relationship can cause significant stress. Therefore, couples therapy in Orange County can be an additional form of treatment on top of medication that delves into issues as a team and prioritizes both individuals.
To talk more about your relationship with a person with bipolar disorder, or talk about which treatment in Southern California is best for you or together as a couple, call Story Wellness at (866) 476-2823.
