We all deserve to have loving and healthy relationships that are safe. Unfortunately, too many people are victims of domestic violence. The impact of domestic violence is something you can feel throughout your lifetime as a victim. Even once you’re out of the situation, it’s important that you take steps to protect your mental health and heal from what you’ve gone through.
What is Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse or violence isn’t just physical violence. Any behavior intended to gain power over a romantic partner or intimate family member can be considered domestic abuse. Abuse is not caused by anger, mental health problems, substance abuse, or other excuses—it’s a learned behavior.
When someone is in a relationship that includes domestic abuse, their partner’s behavior may be threatening and coercive. Domestic abuse affects people in all communities, regardless of age, race, gender, social standing, sexual orientation, or anything else. For example, legal definitions of abuse can apply in same-sex relationships, female partners toward male victims can perpetrate the abuse, and no matter how successful someone may seem, they may be involved in an abusive relationship.
Physical abuse can include:
- Biting, spitting, grabbing, or scratching
- Shoving and pushing
- Punching
- Slapping
- Throwing objects
- Destroying possessions
- Threatening to hurt your children or pets
- Disrupting your sleep, so you feel exhausting
- Strangling
- Burning and other severe injuries
- Attacking or threatening with a weapon
- Attempts to kill you, or threats to do so
Emotional abuse or psychological abuse can include:
- Intimidation, mocking, or name-calling can be verbal and emotional abuse
- Using humiliating gestures or remarks and other forms of verbal abuse
- Manipulating your children
- Coercive control
- Psychological aggression
- Telling you where you’re allowed and not allowed to go
- Not valuing what you say
- Putting you down in front of others
- Saying bad things about your family and friends is a subtle form of emotional abuse
- Making it hard for you to see relatives or friends
- Being overly jealous can be a sign of emotional abuse
- Shifting responsibility for their abusive behavior, telling you that you’re the cause
- Monitoring your phone, text, or computer use is emotional abuse
- Generally violating your personal boundaries
Economic abuse or financial abuse includes:
- Not allowing you to attend school or work
- Sabotaging employment opportunities
- Creating problems at work by harassing or stalking you is a form of economic abuse
- Denying you access to a vehicle so you can’t get to work can indicate financial abuse
- Destroying class assignments if you’re in school
- Giving an allowance or withholding money
- Not giving access to bank accounts
- Hiding assets
- Running up debt in your name
Stalking and harassment can occur between strangers and people who are already in relationships or were at some point.
- Making unwanted visits
- Sending unwanted messages
- Following you or tracking your phone without your consent or knowledge
- Checking up on you all the time
- Embarrassing you in public places
- Not leaving when asked
Sexual abuse and sexual assault can also occur, even in an intimate relationship with someone.
Steps You Can Take If You’re a Victim of Domestic Abuse
If you are a victim of domestic violence or emotional or physical abuse, there are steps you can take now and in the future that are important for your well-being.
- Contact law enforcement if you think your health or life is in danger or you’re threatened by any physical assault or intimate partner violence. Many people are seriously hurt or even killed by romantic partners and significant others. If you’ve been harmed or think you’re in danger, contact the police as soon as possible.
- Recognize that you’re not at fault. Too often, domestic violence victims believe they’re responsible for what’s happened. That’s not true. Don’t blame yourself, even when your abuser accuses you of doing things to make the situation worse.
- Call a helpline. Helplines are available at the local, state, and national levels. These helplines can connect you with resources near you, including directing you to safe spaces away from abusive partners. These helplines offer discrete ways to communicate if your abuser closely monitors you.
- Document everything that’s happening in your abusive relationship. Videos or photographic evidence may be helpful to show proof of physical violence or injury. Save any abusive voicemails and take note of when incidents happen.
- Get legal help. If you’re in an abusive relationship and can extract yourself from the situation, you should get a legal order of protection from your state court. This will require the person to stay away from you.
- Since your ultimate goal should be to escape the situation, try to put a safety plan in place beforehand. You should pack a bag with money or credit cards, birth certificates, identifying documents, medical records, insurance documents, and anything else you might need.
Healing From Domestic Violence
While escaping the abusive situation may seem like the hardest step you have to take, in reality, you’re going to face challenges after that as well. You have to heal mentally and understand how you can move forward after experiencing trauma.
Things that are important when you’re healing from domestic violence or abuse include:
- Prioritize safety first. You can begin to heal when you’re away from your abuser but put your physical safety as your number one priority.
- Give yourself time to stabilize. You have to step out of the situation frequently to assess what is happening and begin to process what you’ve gone through. Being in an abusive situation can be confusing, and it can feel like a fog of gaslighting surrounds you. You need to give yourself time to breathe after leaving an abusive situation.
- Talk to a mental health professional. It’s important to go through therapy after experiencing domestic violence to realize it wasn’t your fault, process your feelings, and develop healthy boundaries in your life going forward. Find a therapist who provides trauma-informed care and has a history of working with victims of domestic violence and possibly post-traumatic stress disorder.
- Some victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, or any form of abuse are more likely to develop substance use disorders. If so, you may need to receive treatment for this.
- Create a support system of people you trust. This could be family, friends, or your therapist. Maybe it’s all three. You need unconditional love, support, and people who are there for you when you’re struggling. It can be hard to trust after leaving an abusive situation, but to thrive, you need people around you who care about and lift you up.
- Share your experiences. A support group can be a good way to receive support, share what you went through, and provide support to others. When you’re in an abusive situation, it’s incredibly isolating. It can also create feelings of humiliation and shame, but participating in a support group of other survivors will help you see that you aren’t alone.
- Set standards for how you’ll be treated going forward in all ways. Again, these are your healthy personal boundaries. You should ensure that if someone doesn’t respect your physical and emotional boundaries, you’re willing to confront them and, if necessary, walk away. This includes romantic relationships but other types of relationships as well.
- Practice self-care. Be gentle and patient as you go through your healing journey, and show yourself love. Self-care is an important part of your mental health and well-being as you deal with the aftereffects of abuse.
Mental Health Treatment in Orange County, CA
Abuse can happen to anyone in any relationship. If you’re working to move forward and heal from a traumatic situation, please reach out to our Orange County mental health team today. Therapy can help you develop healthy boundaries and move forward in a fulfilling way in your life following physical or mental abuse. Call Story Wellness to learn more at (866) 476-2823.
