In order to get to what setting boundaries means, we need to start with self love. Because self-love is crucial. It is a willingness to care enough about yourself that you do something about it. A willingness to see yourself as someone who deserves happiness, peace, and joy. Self-love or self-help can give you a renewed sense of hope, resilience, self-esteem, self-empowerment, and more. It is treating yourself with love and respect, and it is necessary for maturing as a human being.
Boundaries are self-love.
Boundaries create clear guidelines or limits on how you would like to be treated. The magic of boundaries is that they can be a way to foresee and handle problems before they even arise.
This includes prioritizing who deserves your time and energy or when certain actions can occur. Who is allowed access to you, and how and when. Boundaries are defined by an individual’s likes and dislikes—their needs and deep desires.
Ultimately, they help maintain healthy relationships and an overall healthy life.
Contact Story Wellness
Protect Yourself
Those who struggle with being assertive and interpersonal skills are more likely to need to set boundaries for themselves. Alternatively, setting boundaries is vital not only for strangers, roommates, and professional relationships but also for friends and loved ones.
When our boundaries are not clear, we can very easily lose ourselves. On the one hand, boundaries may protect us from physical harm. But in more subtle circumstances, they reduce our stress, help us develop our values, and give us balance to face our days.
And in relationships, when we set boundaries and clearly communicate our needs and limits, we are less likely to have misunderstandings and conflicts with the people in our lives. If you have gone through relationship or couples therapy, you may have spent some time working on boundaries.
Is Setting Boundaries Selfish?
Some people will take it personally. Some people will give you pushback. Some people will try to test your boundaries. They might get mad or upset. But listen; this is their problem. Boundaries in your life are an absolute necessary way to live. It is about clear and effective communication.
Of course, it starts with you and what you want and need. But that is where everything should start. It is like the airplane analogy: in an emergency, please put on your mask first. Then take care of others.
Self-love lets you more fully and responsibly love others.
Setting Boundaries Examples
Boundaries correlate strongly to the basic human condition, our personalities, and the types of lives that we choose to live. The five main types of boundaries include:
- Physical – this involves touching one’s body and sharing space, such as one’s room or home.
- Emotional – how much emotional “information” you’re willing to part with between you and another and how much you’re willing to take on.
- Sexual – this is the expression of consent, types of sexual intimacy, and safety rules (including talks of testing and contraception) between sexual partner(s) or a significant other.
- Time – respecting personal time and busy time through prioritization or setting aside distractions for what or who matters more.
- Material – this involves your finances and possessions and how much you’re willing to share and for how long.
How to Set Boundaries
Boundaries only exist when established between two or more people. It must first be well communicated—assertively, consistently, and respectfully. This step can often be overlooked as, unfortunately, boundaries are never vocally expressed in many relationships. An assumed boundary is not a good boundary.
- Physical boundaries: If someone is invading your personal space or making you uncomfortable, you can say something like, “I need you to respect my personal space” or “Please don’t touch me without my permission.”
- Emotional boundaries: If someone shares too much personal information or makes you feel emotionally drained, you can say something like, “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic,” or “I need some space to recharge.”
- Time boundaries: If someone asks for too much of your time or overstepping your availability, you can say something like, “I’m not available to meet today, but I can schedule something for next week,” or “I need to prioritize my self-care right now.”
- Communication boundaries: If someone is communicating with you in a disrespectful or hurtful way, you can say something like, “I won’t tolerate being spoken to that way,” or “I need you to speak to me respectfully.”
- Value boundaries: If someone violates your values or beliefs, you can say, “I don’t feel comfortable with this conversation,” or “I can’t support this decision.”
What Setting Boundaries Means for Health
Do you need support in your search for your boundaries? Are you in a place where this all makes sense, but you feel too overwhelmed even to know where to begin?
At our outpatient mental health center in Orange County, we help people like you. There is often a lot to unpack when getting into self-love and setting boundaries for wellness. But our team has plenty of experience guiding people to the right path. If you want to know more, call us today. Our team is ready to answer your questions. Call Story Wellness at (866) 476-2823.
