When you care about someone, it can be hard to watch them struggle and even harder when they push you away when you’re offering support. If your loved one with PTSD has been withdrawing or distancing themselves, you’re likely feeling confused, hurt, or even frustrated. This behavior can leave you questioning what you did wrong or wondering how to help without making things worse. It’s important to know that their actions aren’t about you but often a response to their inner struggle with post traumatic stress disorder.
This blog will guide you on ways to handle these situations with care. You’ll learn why they’re acting this way and what you can do to help. From managing your own emotions to approaching them at the right time, these practical steps can help strengthen your relationship while ensuring both of you feel supported.
Avoid Confrontation
When someone with PTSD is pushing you away, your first instinct may be to confront them about their actions. But direct confrontation rarely helps. PTSD isn’t a simple problem as it stems from traumatic experiences that leave deep emotional scars.
A person with PTSD often feels overwhelmed by stress or triggers, making confrontations feel like an attack rather than support. Pressuring them to explain themselves or to stop their behavior will likely push them further away.
Instead, focus on creating an environment that feels safe and calm. This doesn’t mean ignoring the problem. It means being patient and showing that you’re there for them. For example, instead of saying, “Why are you avoiding me?” try, “I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to talk.” This shift in tone can make a big difference, as it reassures them without adding pressure.
Approach Them When They Are Calm
When dealing with someone struggling with PTSD, timing really matters. Approaching them during moments of high stress will only add to their emotional load. They’ll likely shut down or react defensively if they feel overwhelmed. Picking the right moment, when they’re relaxed or calm, makes it easier to have open and meaningful conversations.
For example, wait until they seem at ease, perhaps during a quiet evening at home or after a soothing activity like a walk. Start gently by sharing how you feel, using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Say, “I notice you’ve been distant, and I want to make sure you’re okay,” rather than, “You’ve been ignoring me lately.” This keeps the communication open and lowers their defenses, making it more likely for them to hear you out.
Be Patient
What if they still try to push you away even in moments of calm? It can feel deeply personal when someone you love distances themselves. But the truth is, people with PTSD often push others away because they are overwhelmed by their PTSD symptoms. Intrusive memories, heightened emotions, and anxiety can make closeness feel suffocating. Their withdrawal is not a rejection of you but rather a symptom of the unresolved pain from the traumatic event they’re dealing with.
Patience is important here. Give them some breathing room while maintaining gentle contact. For instance, you can send a casual text saying you’re thinking of them. Small gestures like these show that you care without intruding. Remember, this isn’t about rushing them to get better but about giving them the space they need to cope with their difficult times.
Practice Self-Care
Supporting someone with PTSD is emotionally taxing, and it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. But neglecting your own well-being can lead to burnout or resentment. Understand that their behavior isn’t your fault, and you can’t fix what they’re going through. Remember, the weight of healing doesn’t rest on your shoulders.
Even though you want to be there for them, ensuring your well-being is essential for the long term. Take time to prioritize your mental health. Whether it’s talking to a friend, going for a run, or simply taking a night off for yourself, self-care helps you recharge. By taking care of your mind and body, you’ll be better equipped to support someone with PTSD. Don’t hesitate to seek your own support system, like a counselor or support group, if needed.
Talk to Them About Professional Help
PTSD is a complex condition often requiring therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy or other interventions provided by mental health professionals. Your encouragement might be what they need to start seeking professional assistance.
Approach this conversation carefully. Express your concern and willingness to help them find resources. You could say, “I think it might help to talk to someone who specializes in this. I can help you find a therapist or accompany you if you’d like.” Stress that getting help isn’t a weakness but a step toward healing.
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When someone with PTSD pushes you away, it’s a reflection of their internal struggle, not their love for you. While it may still be challenging, following these steps can help you strengthen your relationship and support their path to recovery.
If your family member or loved one is battling PTSD, know that you don’t have to handle it alone. At Story Wellness, our team of behavioral health experts specializes in helping people heal from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Contact us today to learn about how we can help.
